A Supermoon, the month of February, & Fibromyalgia walk into a bar…….

If you are looking for an uplifting I am sorry this is not one of them. As we reached the end of January my emotions go all places that are associated with sadness and anything that could make me happy doesn’t….I just tend to go through the motions and hope for the best. So, if you have made it this far and want to continue…sit back relax and figure out how the fuck I make it through everyday without killing everything.

On the last day of Jan 2018 the universe decided to have a supermoon/redmoon/bluemoon/lunarEclipse which sent me into the biggest, most intense, most painful flare up of my fibromyalgia I had ever experienced. I didn’t know my body could revolt this much causing myself and my stressed out mother to contemplate going to the ER. For those who know me personally understand that my pain tolerance is high, higher than most due to the chronic pain I have experienced in and through the passed 3-4 years. But, I have always been able to work through it. This was different. It was a constant burning, aching sensation in my back, chest, and shoulders. My hands were numb and it hurt to move. My mother tried to console me to try and not raise my blood pressure more, but nothing would help. It got to the point it hurt to inhale and exhale. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but finally after 5 hours of this, I fell asleep and woke up 75% of the way better…..and as I finish this post I’m right back on track to being 150% better. But, it was scary. I have never and don’t want to be in that position again. I am 26 years old and should be able to take on the world and the reality is I can’t and I have to come to terms with this.

One of the biggest reasons that I despise the month of February is the passing of my older brother. Three years ago on the 21st of February my older brother Johan unexpectedly passed away. For those who don’t know my older brother struggled with depression, anxiety, and addiction for close to 10 years. He was and will forever be my best friend, the nicest man I know, and the best older brother I could have ever asked for. He was gentle, kind, caring, and just a teddy bear. I was beyond lucky to have him for 23 years of my life and I miss him every moment of every day. The pain of loosing someone doesn’t leave, it doesn’t get easier, time allows us to adapt to the grief and learn what the new normal is. He is fantastic in life and in death. And for everyone that asks if I miss him, here is my response: of fucking course I miss him, I’m a human with feelings (damn this is nice to say).

So, now you know during February when you see me just know I’m trying my best. I’m trying my best to keep it together and moving forward and maintaining some sense of sanity (even though mine is not around anymore). I am trying my best. I am trying to survive each day. And I am just trying to be a normal human (this is forever impossible). Just know I’m putting whatever I have into each day to deal with my life.

I am forever grateful for my jobs, for my life, and for who I am as a person. I wouldn’t change anything even though some days seem impossible. Thank you for reading, know that you are a special human, and we are all just trying to make it this existence.

Until next time, stay bendy.

Leah

A much needed break…

When working at so many places putting in 10-14 hour days and feeling like life has hit you in the face and leaves you wanting to crawl into a hole and slowly whither away…and let me tell you it finally did me in. I was exhausted , overworked, and not making hardly any money after paying bills. So, I had to re evaluate some aspects of my life. What was working, what wasn’t working, and what needed to change so I could be living a more successful life. So, what did I do? I quick one job and got hired at another place, decided to beef up my yoga schedule to try and get more reliable income (still working on that), and decided to just pay off two credit cards in full draining my back accounts. Some things were done in the spur of the moment, others were done with a lot of thought and consideration. I have also had to shift how I think and feel about certain aspects of my life. How I do thinks? Can I do them better? How can I take care of myself better? And the best part is…I still don’t have any answers to any questions, I’m still lost in this crazy thing called life and I have a feeling this is going to be a permanent state of mind for a while. Do I enjoy being in this confusing state, no absolutely not. But, I know that it is necessary for me to be here; even though I may not enjoy any part of it. But, with this weird state, I am in and with myself just working my life into the grave, I know that good things are on the horizon. That if I can hold out for just a bit longer, things will be happier and healthier in my life. I’ll quote journey for a second, “don’t stop believing,” and that is just what I intend to do. Until next time everyone. Light, love, & Namaste.

Leah

It’s all about balance….

How do you achieve balance in a world of chaos when there is no room for error or time off? Hello Yogis, I hope you are having a wonderful weekend! The past week has been quite interesting; from hurting my back to wanting to sleep all the time, and trying to act normal when I am no normal at all!!! So, while I was on the struggle bus of life this week I was trying to achieve balance and get into a regiment…..but, of course that was not achieved this week. The idea of organization and balance is not a familiar word to myself or my life style. Yes, I struggle to keep myself organized, it’s a terrible existence (not really its just a bit more difficult). So I dedicated this week to help de stress and take some time for myself. I indulged in a lot of video games, napping, and catching up on some paperwork I have neglected for to long. It actually felt extremely comforting being home as much as I was. As I reflect on the past week I know as I look at my upcoming months of work and life I need to schedule in some time for myself to kick back and relax; before I combust and explode.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful week! Until next time, stay bendy!

The Curvy Yogini (or Leah)

Schools out FOREVER!?!?!?

READERS, BLOGGERS, AND YOGIS ALIKE!!!! I have some news that will knock your socks off!!! After 6 years of schooling I am finally DONE!!! Those who are just tuning in, here’s a little more information about my schooling adventure. For the past six years I have been a college student. I have gone to school for my Associate’s Degree, Bachelor’s Degree, Yoga certification, and now Certificate in Therapeutic Massage. During my schooling career I have only taken one semester off alternating between part time and full time status. It was a long haul, but I can finally say that I am officially done with my college career. And it feels amazing!!! Granted I have to study and take my State Exam for Massage Therapy, but I am done with college. The feeling is surreal and just weird. But, now I can focus on my yoga business a bit more and just take time to relax and get back to my own yoga practice, meditation, and sauna routine; while also getting caught up on all the work I need to do on my website and finding out how to be an actual adult. I will be back to my normal weekly posting, thank you all so much for all your support and patience it means the world to me! I hope you all have a wonderful rest of your weekend!!! Until next time, I will see you on your yoga mats!

Namaste,

The Curvy Yogini (aka Leah)

It’s The Most Stressful Time Of The Year

It seems that right after Halloween the Christmas MADNESS hits, people forget about Thanksgiving, and stores have had Christmas merchandise out since August. With all of this pressure to go to every store that has a sale, figuring out who to get gifts for, what house the holidays will be at………and the list could go on and on and on and on and on…. With all of these different things floating around in our minds, disrupting any peacefulness that once lived there…..the stress starts to build and the holidays loose their meaning a little bit. Yoga has helped me so much actually remember the meaning of the holidays. It’s not what you get gifted or what you are gifting to someone, but it’s the time spent together…laughing, smiling, enjoying each other’s company. During the holidays especially I get really overwhelmed and stressed out because of large gatherings with my family. This is due to all of my medical stuff I have and it can be exhausting to talk to family members, friends, even my boyfriend. Which sucks, because I love seeing my family, friends, and my man….but, sometimes it takes to much of a toll on myself to do it. So I use yoga to center myself and to find a little bit of sanity that I keep in the back of my mind and when things become difficult I just use a little piece of that sanity and zen out. I also look and use different feet and arms positions….even neck and hand/finger positions (mudras) to help promote energy and happiness. And if that does not work, than I just excuse myself and lay down for a bit….allowing my body to physically destress. Because you need to make yourself happy before you can shine some happiness on other people. Peace, Love, & Zen

I’ll see you on your mat,

The Curvy Yogini

Yoga Doesn’t End After Savasana

As Savasana/final relaxation comes to an end all the yogis on their yoga mats start to twitch and wake up from their yoga naps, roll over to one side for fetal pose, and than gently sit up and say namaste. After class ends some people roll up their mat right away, other people stay in their yoga nap positions, and others just like to stay and meditate. Each different ending to a yoga class (the three actions in the last sentence) sort of can show how people use yoga in their daily lives. Yoga can be used as just a form of exercise, maybe used to help treat different diseases (fibromyalgia, arthritis, ect.), for stress, depression, and anxiety purposes, and a million and one other reasons people use yoga. Yoga can also be interpreted in different ways. People think yoga is just breathing…others think it is only stretching….to some Bikrim is the only type of yoga. And when you factor in the different types of styles and poses, yoga can just seem like a never pit of OMing, namasting, mantras, chants, and body contorting. With all of this never ending information some people that practice yoga only go to classes at a studio and never bring any of their yoga home with them and some people like the idea of bringing yoga into the rest of their life. The beauty of it is there is no right or wrong way to, “yoga.” It’s just all about how you want to use yoga or how you don’t want to use yoga. Yoga will always be there whether you use it or don’t use it. Just remember to keep breathing and everything will be alright.
Have a wonderful week everyone!!!

See you on your mat!

The Curvy Yogini

One Fish, Two Fish, Crescent Lunge, & Prayer Twist

Inhale lift up your right leg, exhale low lunge plant your lifted foot between your hands, and inhale crescent lunge. As you get settled in your crescent lunge, notice how your thigh, hips, and shoulders are feeling. What sensations is your body giving you? What part of the body is stretching? Are you remembering to breathe? Try to deepen your breath a little more. Use the breath to relax the body or a body part.
Anyone that has been to a yoga class had heard versions of any of these phrases. Being a yoga instructor I say many of these phrases in my yoga classes. The phrases are suppose to help the yogis in class relax and come to a nice, zen, and calming place. But….does it really help? Or do I just sound like an idiot saying it? I was thinking about this as I was teaching my plus size yoga class tonight. As I was teaching and saying the different phrases and my students are being rock stars grooving and moving from pose to pose, I couldn’t turn my brain off. I kept thinking about what I was saying, the words didn’t flow like I wanted them to…to me it wasn’t believable it just sounded scripted and emotionless. Maybe I’m over thinking my yoga classes? Or maybe I’m overthinking everything else. It seems like once my stress level lowers my overthinking sky rockets and trying to find a happy medium has been difficult. The only solution I have found is get as much sleep as possible…….oh and drink lots of coffee….. Not permanent solutions but solutions non the less a solution. But, my lovely readers I have anatomy homework that is calling my name. Thanks for reading and what do you overthink? Have a wonderful week!!!

See you on your mat!

The Curvy Yogini

Growing Up Pains…..Or Maybe To Many High Planks?

Change happens whether we want it to or not. But, even though change can’t be stopped…people still hate the fact it is happening every second of everyday. This past week I experienced change in a big way. I got diagnosed with fibromyalgia. For those who don’t know what that is…fibromyalgia is where your muscles don’t get enough secratonin, causing chronic pain. Now, as much as I am happy that I have a diagnosis for my chronic pain….it’s also quite scary trying to wrap my brain around that I will have this for the rest of my life. It’s a mixed of emotions from, “I’m going to be in pain forever….I have to take 6 pills a day from now on….how am I going to feel in 20 years?” It’s just a lot for a 23 year old to think about. But, even though all of these things are happening…life still goes on, there are yoga classes to be taught, and people to see. So even though life is hard like a high plank the only thing to do is to move forward. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! Keep moving forward and stay bendy!

See you on your mat!

The Curvy Yogini

Can I Bananasana With You?

Compassion is an amazing quality for a person to have. Understanding, gratefulness, and just a sense of happiness are also great qualities and vibes/energies a person can give off over their day, week, month, and year. I have notices since I have been reiki trained that I can pick up on the energy people give off, their own personal vibe. If it’s a stressed out vibe, I immediately feel it and 9 times out of 10 I get a killer headache. If it’s a peaceful vibe I will get a sense of relief. When I encounter people with a stressed out energy and when
that energy is absorbed into me, it tends to like to stick around for a bit. Having stress in and around me gets me really sick, physically and mentally. This is why I am always on the quest to a calmer state of mind, body, and soul. Today for instance I got a massage and I came home and took a nap. When I woke up from the nap I felt almost blissful, it was like nothing could go wrong. I was completely stress free….and than I checked my email and all the stress came back. Frustrating yes, but it’s life. So as I nap my stress away I wish everyone a wonderful Labor Day weekend!

See you on your mat,

The Curvy Yogini

Are you a yogi….or are you a YOGI?

Some people have jobs…others have careers….and a few have lifestyles. Either you go to work and watch the clock, enjoy your job…but leave it at the office, or totally immerse yourself into your work. This is the same with teaching yoga. A lot of teachers completely immerse themselves into the yoga lifestyle. Feeling how the body moves with each breath. Being inspired by the different poses, becoming vegan, and much, much more. Now I personally know teachers that eat, breathe, and live yoga…which is totally fine. But, this is not my style of teaching. Personally, I focus on relaxing my clients, finding happiness, and telling my clients just to overall check in with themselves. I don’t live the yoga life style. I am a good, decent person…that tries to do the right thing. I love my job and all the awesome people I meet during it. But, I am not a total yoga expert by any means. I’m Leah, and I’m a yoga instructor. But, yoga isn’t my entire life and I’m ok with that. I love my family, friends, my amazing boyfriend. I enjoy watching documentaries and going for random adventures with my best friend Jessie. I like to sleep…a lot and I enjoy a caffeinated beverage most of the time. See, I have other people, activities, and things I like to do….other than yoga. And I don’t want to be frowned upon for that. I have a life outside of yoga and I like to keep it that way. I like the simplicity of being Leah, just Leah. Not the yoga instructor Leah…But, being someone’s family member, someone’s friend, someone’s girlfriend….being important to people in different ways. Because to me I’m not that important, I’m just Leah. The Leah that tries to hard…the Leah that cares to much…or the Leah that wants to help people all the time. So, I end this entry with a question….do you know the true you, the essence that makes you important people? Until next week….Stay beautiful, stay confident, and
stay you.

See you on your mat!

The Curvy Yogini