A Supermoon, the month of February, & Fibromyalgia walk into a bar…….

If you are looking for an uplifting I am sorry this is not one of them.  As we reached the end of January my emotions go all places that are associated with sadness and anything that could make me happy doesn’t….I just tend to go through the motions and hope for the best.  So, if you have made it this far and want to continue…sit back relax and figure out how the fuck I make it through everyday without killing everything.

On the last day of Jan 2018 the universe decided to have a supermoon/redmoon/bluemoon/lunarEclipse which sent me into the biggest, most intense, most painful flare up of my fibromyalgia I had ever experienced. I didn’t know my body could revolt this much causing myself and my stressed out mother to contemplate going to the ER. For those who know me personally understand that my pain tolerance is high, higher than most due to the chronic pain I have experienced in and through the passed 3-4 years. But, I have always been able to work through it. This was different. It was a constant burning, aching sensation in my back, chest, and shoulders. My hands were numb and it hurt to move. My mother tried to console me to try and not raise my blood pressure more, but nothing would help. It got to the point it hurt to inhale and exhale. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but finally after 5 hours of this, I fell asleep and woke up 75% of the way better…..and as I finish this post I’m right back on track to being 150% better. But, it was scary. I have never and don’t want to be in that position again. I am 26 years old and should be able to take on the world and the reality is I can’t and I have to come to terms with this.

One of the biggest reasons that I despise the month of February is the passing of my older brother. Three years ago on the 21st of February my older brother Johan unexpectedly passed away. For those who don’t know my older brother struggled with depression, anxiety, and addiction for close to 10 years. He was and will forever be my best friend, the nicest man I know, and the best older brother I could have ever asked for. He was gentle, kind, caring, and just a teddy bear. I was beyond lucky to have him for 23 years of my life and I miss him every moment of every day. The pain of loosing someone doesn’t leave, it doesn’t get easier, time allows us to adapt to the grief and learn what the new normal is. He is fantastic in life and in death. And for everyone that asks if I miss him, here is my response: of fucking course I miss him, I’m a human with feelings (damn this is nice to say).

So, now you know during February when you see me just know I’m trying my best. I’m trying my best to keep it together and moving forward and maintaining some sense of sanity (even though mine is not around anymore). I am trying my best. I am trying to survive each day. And I am just trying to be a normal human (this is forever impossible). Just know I’m putting whatever I have into each day to deal with my life.

I am forever grateful for my jobs, for my life, and for who I am as a person. I wouldn’t change anything even though some days seem impossible. Thank you for reading, know that you are a special human, and we are all just trying to make it this existence.

Until next time, stay bendy.

Leah

Growing Up Pains…..Or Maybe To Many High Planks?

Change happens whether we want it to or not. But, even though change can’t be stopped…people still hate the fact it is happening every second of everyday. This past week I experienced change in a big way. I got diagnosed with fibromyalgia. For those who don’t know what that is…fibromyalgia is where your muscles don’t get enough secratonin, causing chronic pain. Now, as much as I am happy that I have a diagnosis for my chronic pain….it’s also quite scary trying to wrap my brain around that I will have this for the rest of my life. It’s a mixed of emotions from, “I’m going to be in pain forever….I have to take 6 pills a day from now on….how am I going to feel in 20 years?” It’s just a lot for a 23 year old to think about. But, even though all of these things are happening…life still goes on, there are yoga classes to be taught, and people to see. So even though life is hard like a high plank the only thing to do is to move forward. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! Keep moving forward and stay bendy!

See you on your mat!

The Curvy Yogini

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With Each Exhale Let Any Unwanted Thoughts Melt Off Your Body.

Stress, stress, & more stress…..Every person deals with stress….it’s a daily part of life….but for people like me or people who have medical issues it can be hell on earth.  Stress makes my body swell up, my joints tighten, and my sanity leave completely.  It becomes extremely hard to control and my body feels like the it is revolting and killing itself.  Violent? Yes, all the violence….but unfortunately it’s my life.  But, there are some ways that I can counter attack the stress.  YOGA is my number one destresser.  My body feels like it can do no wrong, I can work all of my muslces, and the low impact of yoga makes my joints happy.  Another HUGE destresser is Reiki.  If you do not know what Reiki is….Reiki is a Japanese practice of using energy to heal the body.  I am a certified level 2 Reiki Practitionor.  I do reiki on myself most of the time, but my favorite is when I go get a reiki session done.  It helps promote healing and destresses me.  Massage and acupunture are amazing…..but my favorite thing to do to release stress is SLEEP.  I’m a narcolep so sleep is my best friend.  If I don’t get enough sleep I get really sick.  So all of these techniques combined help me destress, get through life, and continue being me.  I will wrap up todays post with a small bit of advice…..Don’t overthink things & smile. 
Have a wonderful weekend & I will see you on your mat!

The Curvy Yogini

Push The Body Away In High Plank

In each yoga class there is that one pose, that one particularly difficult pose that you just don’t like.  Your body revolts, your muscles shake, and your breathing quickens.  And it’s like the teacher knows that you are struggling and starts to cue to that struggling.  As the teacher gently says, “deepen your inhale and exhales….your body loves this….it is just your mind that wants it all to go away and stop…”  During these nice statements all your mind is thinking of is how quickly can I get out of this pose and how quickly can I cut my wonderful, lovely, ninja like yoga teacher….     Than after class you almost feel bad for wanting to cut them, because your body feels so good.  But, than you soon forget and the next time you come to a yoga class the cycle starts all over again.   But, why does this cycle happen?  You think yoga and you think calm, peaceful, stretching, not a lot of physical activity.   WHY DO I FEEL ALL OF THESE NEGITIVE FEELINGS TOWARDS MY INSTRUCTOR?!?!?!?!  It could be that the teacher is pushing you to the next bar.  They are trying to mentally strengthen you.  Or it’s just a really hard class.  I personally have had people flick me off during high planks, high to low boat, & forearm planks.  Than right after class they apologize and say can’t wait for next week.   So really the cycle of hating your instructor for a few mins is quite normal.   Don’t feel bad about it or think you’re a terrible person….because yes even myself, a yoga instructor goes through this cycle.
So I leave you with this…..it’s ok to mad, your body is much stronger than your mind, & the more you come to class the easier each difficult pose will get.
Thanks for reading and I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend & A GREAT MEMORIAL 

See you on your mat!

The Curvy Yogini