A Supermoon, the month of February, & Fibromyalgia walk into a bar…….

If you are looking for an uplifting I am sorry this is not one of them.  As we reached the end of January my emotions go all places that are associated with sadness and anything that could make me happy doesn’t….I just tend to go through the motions and hope for the best.  So, if you have made it this far and want to continue…sit back relax and figure out how the fuck I make it through everyday without killing everything.

On the last day of Jan 2018 the universe decided to have a supermoon/redmoon/bluemoon/lunarEclipse which sent me into the biggest, most intense, most painful flare up of my fibromyalgia I had ever experienced. I didn’t know my body could revolt this much causing myself and my stressed out mother to contemplate going to the ER. For those who know me personally understand that my pain tolerance is high, higher than most due to the chronic pain I have experienced in and through the passed 3-4 years. But, I have always been able to work through it. This was different. It was a constant burning, aching sensation in my back, chest, and shoulders. My hands were numb and it hurt to move. My mother tried to console me to try and not raise my blood pressure more, but nothing would help. It got to the point it hurt to inhale and exhale. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but finally after 5 hours of this, I fell asleep and woke up 75% of the way better…..and as I finish this post I’m right back on track to being 150% better. But, it was scary. I have never and don’t want to be in that position again. I am 26 years old and should be able to take on the world and the reality is I can’t and I have to come to terms with this.

One of the biggest reasons that I despise the month of February is the passing of my older brother. Three years ago on the 21st of February my older brother Johan unexpectedly passed away. For those who don’t know my older brother struggled with depression, anxiety, and addiction for close to 10 years. He was and will forever be my best friend, the nicest man I know, and the best older brother I could have ever asked for. He was gentle, kind, caring, and just a teddy bear. I was beyond lucky to have him for 23 years of my life and I miss him every moment of every day. The pain of loosing someone doesn’t leave, it doesn’t get easier, time allows us to adapt to the grief and learn what the new normal is. He is fantastic in life and in death. And for everyone that asks if I miss him, here is my response: of fucking course I miss him, I’m a human with feelings (damn this is nice to say).

So, now you know during February when you see me just know I’m trying my best. I’m trying my best to keep it together and moving forward and maintaining some sense of sanity (even though mine is not around anymore). I am trying my best. I am trying to survive each day. And I am just trying to be a normal human (this is forever impossible). Just know I’m putting whatever I have into each day to deal with my life.

I am forever grateful for my jobs, for my life, and for who I am as a person. I wouldn’t change anything even though some days seem impossible. Thank you for reading, know that you are a special human, and we are all just trying to make it this existence.

Until next time, stay bendy.

Leah

A much needed break…

When working at so many places putting in 10-14 hour days and feeling like life has hit you in the face and leaves you wanting to crawl into a hole and slowly whither away…and let me tell you it finally did me in. I was exhausted , overworked, and not making hardly any money after paying bills. So, I had to re evaluate some aspects of my life. What was working, what wasn’t working, and what needed to change so I could be living a more successful life. So, what did I do? I quick one job and got hired at another place, decided to beef up my yoga schedule to try and get more reliable income (still working on that), and decided to just pay off two credit cards in full draining my back accounts. Some things were done in the spur of the moment, others were done with a lot of thought and consideration. I have also had to shift how I think and feel about certain aspects of my life. How I do thinks? Can I do them better? How can I take care of myself better? And the best part is…I still don’t have any answers to any questions, I’m still lost in this crazy thing called life and I have a feeling this is going to be a permanent state of mind for a while. Do I enjoy being in this confusing state, no absolutely not. But, I know that it is necessary for me to be here; even though I may not enjoy any part of it. But, with this weird state, I am in and with myself just working my life into the grave, I know that good things are on the horizon. That if I can hold out for just a bit longer, things will be happier and healthier in my life. I’ll quote journey for a second, “don’t stop believing,” and that is just what I intend to do. Until next time everyone. Light, love, & Namaste.

Leah

Fluffy Is The New Black

Hello Everyone!!!

I hope you are having a wonderful Sunday!!!  I am currently enjoying my first day off in 7 days….I taught 20 classes this week!!!  So a day off to get some much needed relaxing is exactly what the yoga doctors ordered.  But, I am doing a bit of work, because I wouldn’t be Leah without working on my day off……So, I started a campaign with Teespring to help promote plus size yoga and just the idea of loving yourself.  I would be over the moon thankful if you all went to check out the campaign and buy a t shirt!!!!  The URL Link to the campaign is: 

thank you a million and a half!!!  and a new thoughts in my sauna will be coming soon…..I plan to sit in my sauna and think lots of lovely thoughts today!!!

Namaste Lovelies,

The Curvy Yogini

Finding My Zen In A World Of Stress.

“Learn to let go…That is the key to happiness. ”  Letting everything go is difficult.  We as human beings are constantly stressed out with something little or big or medium size.   Stressed does not discriminate.   The quote that I put at the beginning is a Buddha quote…… ironically it is the tattoo on my forearm.   But,  Buddha says to let all things go you will be happy.   So it’s that the key to my zenning?  Should I forget about things? Should I turn into a pushover and allow people to walk all over me?  Should I become a different person? Even though I love this quote, it makes me think about what it would be like to not have stress in my life.   So last post I said I was hunting for ways to de stress.   My findings are……. Maybe I work to much…… Maybe I’m not taking enough me time…..Maybe I’m not getting enough time with my man….. or it could be all of these or it could be none of these.   My hunt still continues….. Maybe I’ll try mediating for the answer during my taking of the yoga classes this weekend.  Or maybe it will just come to me.   But,  until then stay beautiful,  stay confident,  and stay you ♥

See you on your mat,

image

The Curvy Yogini

P.S the picture is my tattoo, Namaste Yogis♥

Yoga For One?

Any yoga teacher knows the feeling when no one shows up to your yoga class.  It’s disappointing, annoying, & heartbreaking. You immediately think,  “No one likes me anymore….. Maybe everyone thinks I’m awful at teaching…..or in my own personal case I think….. It’s because I’m fat. ”  First, I know I’m not fat I’m thick and deliciously attractive looking.   But, the thought still crosses my mind in certain situations.   Well, I didn’t have anyone show up for one of my classes tonight and I felt all these feelings.   And well I’m broke (Thank you federal taxes) and really needed the money.   But,  just my luck…. no one showed up.  But,  my mom came with me to help me setup and take class. While I setup the room she goes for a walk around the building.   As the time got to 7pm, it was only my mom and I in the room.  So, when it became 7:02PM I turn to my mom and said,  “Do you want a private yoga session?” My mom finally agreed to it,  I turned the music on, and away the session went.   So, for the next 40 minutes I helped my mom into different restorative yoga possess.  Side note, my mom has a bad back, bad rotator cuff, and is blind in one eye.   She never sits down and is hard for her to relax.   So, after the yoga session she helped me pack up and was generous enough to fill up my gas tank (I was running on empty).  It turned out to be a nice night…. Even though I didn’t have anyone show up to my class.  So I guess the moral of the story is even though mothers are a pain in the asana we love them anyway.
Have a great week and I will see you on your mat!

The Curvy Yogini

With Each Exhale Let Any Unwanted Thoughts Melt Off Your Body.

Stress, stress, & more stress…..Every person deals with stress….it’s a daily part of life….but for people like me or people who have medical issues it can be hell on earth.  Stress makes my body swell up, my joints tighten, and my sanity leave completely.  It becomes extremely hard to control and my body feels like the it is revolting and killing itself.  Violent? Yes, all the violence….but unfortunately it’s my life.  But, there are some ways that I can counter attack the stress.  YOGA is my number one destresser.  My body feels like it can do no wrong, I can work all of my muslces, and the low impact of yoga makes my joints happy.  Another HUGE destresser is Reiki.  If you do not know what Reiki is….Reiki is a Japanese practice of using energy to heal the body.  I am a certified level 2 Reiki Practitionor.  I do reiki on myself most of the time, but my favorite is when I go get a reiki session done.  It helps promote healing and destresses me.  Massage and acupunture are amazing…..but my favorite thing to do to release stress is SLEEP.  I’m a narcolep so sleep is my best friend.  If I don’t get enough sleep I get really sick.  So all of these techniques combined help me destress, get through life, and continue being me.  I will wrap up todays post with a small bit of advice…..Don’t overthink things & smile. 
Have a wonderful weekend & I will see you on your mat!

The Curvy Yogini