A Supermoon, the month of February, & Fibromyalgia walk into a bar…….

If you are looking for an uplifting I am sorry this is not one of them.  As we reached the end of January my emotions go all places that are associated with sadness and anything that could make me happy doesn’t….I just tend to go through the motions and hope for the best.  So, if you have made it this far and want to continue…sit back relax and figure out how the fuck I make it through everyday without killing everything.

On the last day of Jan 2018 the universe decided to have a supermoon/redmoon/bluemoon/lunarEclipse which sent me into the biggest, most intense, most painful flare up of my fibromyalgia I had ever experienced. I didn’t know my body could revolt this much causing myself and my stressed out mother to contemplate going to the ER. For those who know me personally understand that my pain tolerance is high, higher than most due to the chronic pain I have experienced in and through the passed 3-4 years. But, I have always been able to work through it. This was different. It was a constant burning, aching sensation in my back, chest, and shoulders. My hands were numb and it hurt to move. My mother tried to console me to try and not raise my blood pressure more, but nothing would help. It got to the point it hurt to inhale and exhale. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but finally after 5 hours of this, I fell asleep and woke up 75% of the way better…..and as I finish this post I’m right back on track to being 150% better. But, it was scary. I have never and don’t want to be in that position again. I am 26 years old and should be able to take on the world and the reality is I can’t and I have to come to terms with this.

One of the biggest reasons that I despise the month of February is the passing of my older brother. Three years ago on the 21st of February my older brother Johan unexpectedly passed away. For those who don’t know my older brother struggled with depression, anxiety, and addiction for close to 10 years. He was and will forever be my best friend, the nicest man I know, and the best older brother I could have ever asked for. He was gentle, kind, caring, and just a teddy bear. I was beyond lucky to have him for 23 years of my life and I miss him every moment of every day. The pain of loosing someone doesn’t leave, it doesn’t get easier, time allows us to adapt to the grief and learn what the new normal is. He is fantastic in life and in death. And for everyone that asks if I miss him, here is my response: of fucking course I miss him, I’m a human with feelings (damn this is nice to say).

So, now you know during February when you see me just know I’m trying my best. I’m trying my best to keep it together and moving forward and maintaining some sense of sanity (even though mine is not around anymore). I am trying my best. I am trying to survive each day. And I am just trying to be a normal human (this is forever impossible). Just know I’m putting whatever I have into each day to deal with my life.

I am forever grateful for my jobs, for my life, and for who I am as a person. I wouldn’t change anything even though some days seem impossible. Thank you for reading, know that you are a special human, and we are all just trying to make it this existence.

Until next time, stay bendy.

Leah

A much needed break…

When working at so many places putting in 10-14 hour days and feeling like life has hit you in the face and leaves you wanting to crawl into a hole and slowly whither away…and let me tell you it finally did me in. I was exhausted , overworked, and not making hardly any money after paying bills. So, I had to re evaluate some aspects of my life. What was working, what wasn’t working, and what needed to change so I could be living a more successful life. So, what did I do? I quick one job and got hired at another place, decided to beef up my yoga schedule to try and get more reliable income (still working on that), and decided to just pay off two credit cards in full draining my back accounts. Some things were done in the spur of the moment, others were done with a lot of thought and consideration. I have also had to shift how I think and feel about certain aspects of my life. How I do thinks? Can I do them better? How can I take care of myself better? And the best part is…I still don’t have any answers to any questions, I’m still lost in this crazy thing called life and I have a feeling this is going to be a permanent state of mind for a while. Do I enjoy being in this confusing state, no absolutely not. But, I know that it is necessary for me to be here; even though I may not enjoy any part of it. But, with this weird state, I am in and with myself just working my life into the grave, I know that good things are on the horizon. That if I can hold out for just a bit longer, things will be happier and healthier in my life. I’ll quote journey for a second, “don’t stop believing,” and that is just what I intend to do. Until next time everyone. Light, love, & Namaste.

Leah

With Each Exhale Let Any Unwanted Thoughts Melt Off Your Body.

Stress, stress, & more stress…..Every person deals with stress….it’s a daily part of life….but for people like me or people who have medical issues it can be hell on earth.  Stress makes my body swell up, my joints tighten, and my sanity leave completely.  It becomes extremely hard to control and my body feels like the it is revolting and killing itself.  Violent? Yes, all the violence….but unfortunately it’s my life.  But, there are some ways that I can counter attack the stress.  YOGA is my number one destresser.  My body feels like it can do no wrong, I can work all of my muslces, and the low impact of yoga makes my joints happy.  Another HUGE destresser is Reiki.  If you do not know what Reiki is….Reiki is a Japanese practice of using energy to heal the body.  I am a certified level 2 Reiki Practitionor.  I do reiki on myself most of the time, but my favorite is when I go get a reiki session done.  It helps promote healing and destresses me.  Massage and acupunture are amazing…..but my favorite thing to do to release stress is SLEEP.  I’m a narcolep so sleep is my best friend.  If I don’t get enough sleep I get really sick.  So all of these techniques combined help me destress, get through life, and continue being me.  I will wrap up todays post with a small bit of advice…..Don’t overthink things & smile. 
Have a wonderful weekend & I will see you on your mat!

The Curvy Yogini

Restore Your Mind, Body, & Soul

When you (yes I am talking to you) think of yoga, what comes to your mind?  Workout, zent out, bending, relaxation, or another word?   People go to  yoga classes for different reasons, whether it be emotional, physical, or a combination of both.  Personally I got into yoga for strictly stress management.  I was just starting college, working, and was in a long term relationship at the time.  So I felt like I was being pulled in about 30 different directions and my health started to decline at a slow steady rate.  I would always go to the gym and just do strictly cardio.  It was either the eliptical or stairmaster….and with bad ankles (from 6 years of soccer) it was very painful. It would only cut my stress in half on a good workout and I would go home in more pain that when I left.  So, I saw my gym offered yoga classes and I decided to go to one.   I went to a Yin Yoga Class and the instructors name was Kim.  I loved the class, the instructor was fine, and I decided to make this a weekly type of thing.  And just with replacing one of my workouts with a Yin Yoga Class I saw my stress level slowly be cut in half.   To this day I love teaching my restorative yoga class.  I call it a nap in a yoga class, because yes my students stretch and get into the muscle fashia and connective tissue, but I add a more relaxing vibe to the class.  I also incorporate my Reiki Training into the class as well.  Granted do I have a Restorative Certificate….no…no I don’t.  But, I have taken workshops, I practice restorative yoga on a daily basis, and I do a lot of research in the yin/restorative arena of yoga.  So, I am qualified to teach it, I just haven’t spent the money to get a piece of paper saying I know restorative yoga.  People (even in yoga) get so worked up over not having specific certifications.  I understand being a certified yoga teacher is important, I understand that, I am that..but, just becuase I don’t have a restorative certificate…just because I didn’t want to spend $400 to get it…..because I don’t have $400.  People think I don’t know what I am talking about…makes me sad sometimes.  So, I leave you with….don’t judge a book by its cover and be informed before you speak.
I hope you all can take a Restorative Yoga Class this week , it may change your opinions on some things. 

See you on your mat,

The Curvy Yogini

Tilt Your Body Into A T For Warrior Three.

Kick off your back foot sending your chest to the ground and creating that quintessential T like shape and your body. This is the start to a basic transition  from Crescent lunge to warrior 3. Yes, it’s a difficult transition….. but, anyone can do it. But for the first time yogi thinking about different transitions and different postures that involve more than just laying down can be very overwhelming to the mind, body, and soul. So you’re probably asking me why am I bringing up a first-time yogis experience? well… I just finished teaching a class of new yogis. And to be honest it was more of a learning experience for me then I think it was for them. It sounds silly, but I do learn things from each class I teach. Even if the class was in my opinion bad or it was the best class I have ever taught. I will still learn new things, such as how to cue bodies differently….  how different bodies move to each posture … And that some people will never gain flexibility even though they have been practicing Yoga for years. I find it quite fascinating and of course a little unnerving to teach a brand new group of people Yoga for the first time. I’m always really worried that they won’t like me and that my class sucked. And I know any yogi reading this, well yogi or yoga teacher or an aspiring yogi, will say your class will never suck because it’s you you have your own style of teaching and that style is unique to you. But I know that all yoga teachers and maybe some yogis secretly judge their own yoga practice or judge their own teaching style or judge someone else’s teaching style. And again I know in yoga we practice not judgement, but even yogis and yoga teachers are human….. And humans are known to be judgmental. So maybe someone can give me insight on practicing the idea of not being judgemental. Because I judge myself in my own classes when my students aren’t getting into the pose like I want them to . And I judge myself for this because I feel like I am failing them as a teacher. Even though my students love the class. I still always feel like I can do better. Maybe I just feel like I can do better in other aspects of life. Like, can I be a better daughter, a better friend, a better student, a better girlfriend, the better patient, or just a better human being. I get it, yogis will always tell you you are a beautiful work in progress. They also will tell you, that you are exactly where you need to be in life, in your yoga practice, in your relationships, or just overall you are in the exact, perfect, and beautiful spot that you need to be.   They will also tell you that fate led you to this Yoga class. I don’t know if I necessarily believe that. Even though I am a yogi and yoga teacher, even though I am spiritual, and even though I’m Reiki trained……. I am still an atheist . So I don’t think that you are drawn to go to a yoga class. I don’t think most the time that you had a higher power guiding you to the yoga class. I like to believe that you wanted to go. You as a yogi wanted to go learn something new on your mat. You did this for you not because some higher power pushed you to it. You went into the class hoping to learn something new, just as I or any other yoga teacher go in to teach a class and hope to learn something from their students. I never take anyone who comes into my class for granted. I always make sure they succeed and yoga. I do this because I know how it feels to be looked at like I’m the fat girl in the room. So this week I hope you and I will try to do this as well be more non judgmental towards people. Because you don’t know what they have to go through. You don’t know if they have issues they have to deal with. So I’m going to take it on myself to be less judgemental and to try to learn as much as I can from my students. And maybe if I learned enough information from my students, then maybe I will be able to achieve my perfect warrior three. Until next week yogis .
See you on your mat!

The Curvy Yogini