A Supermoon, the month of February, & Fibromyalgia walk into a bar…….

If you are looking for an uplifting I am sorry this is not one of them.  As we reached the end of January my emotions go all places that are associated with sadness and anything that could make me happy doesn’t….I just tend to go through the motions and hope for the best.  So, if you have made it this far and want to continue…sit back relax and figure out how the fuck I make it through everyday without killing everything.

On the last day of Jan 2018 the universe decided to have a supermoon/redmoon/bluemoon/lunarEclipse which sent me into the biggest, most intense, most painful flare up of my fibromyalgia I had ever experienced. I didn’t know my body could revolt this much causing myself and my stressed out mother to contemplate going to the ER. For those who know me personally understand that my pain tolerance is high, higher than most due to the chronic pain I have experienced in and through the passed 3-4 years. But, I have always been able to work through it. This was different. It was a constant burning, aching sensation in my back, chest, and shoulders. My hands were numb and it hurt to move. My mother tried to console me to try and not raise my blood pressure more, but nothing would help. It got to the point it hurt to inhale and exhale. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but finally after 5 hours of this, I fell asleep and woke up 75% of the way better…..and as I finish this post I’m right back on track to being 150% better. But, it was scary. I have never and don’t want to be in that position again. I am 26 years old and should be able to take on the world and the reality is I can’t and I have to come to terms with this.

One of the biggest reasons that I despise the month of February is the passing of my older brother. Three years ago on the 21st of February my older brother Johan unexpectedly passed away. For those who don’t know my older brother struggled with depression, anxiety, and addiction for close to 10 years. He was and will forever be my best friend, the nicest man I know, and the best older brother I could have ever asked for. He was gentle, kind, caring, and just a teddy bear. I was beyond lucky to have him for 23 years of my life and I miss him every moment of every day. The pain of loosing someone doesn’t leave, it doesn’t get easier, time allows us to adapt to the grief and learn what the new normal is. He is fantastic in life and in death. And for everyone that asks if I miss him, here is my response: of fucking course I miss him, I’m a human with feelings (damn this is nice to say).

So, now you know during February when you see me just know I’m trying my best. I’m trying my best to keep it together and moving forward and maintaining some sense of sanity (even though mine is not around anymore). I am trying my best. I am trying to survive each day. And I am just trying to be a normal human (this is forever impossible). Just know I’m putting whatever I have into each day to deal with my life.

I am forever grateful for my jobs, for my life, and for who I am as a person. I wouldn’t change anything even though some days seem impossible. Thank you for reading, know that you are a special human, and we are all just trying to make it this existence.

Until next time, stay bendy.

Leah

A much needed break…

When working at so many places putting in 10-14 hour days and feeling like life has hit you in the face and leaves you wanting to crawl into a hole and slowly whither away…and let me tell you it finally did me in. I was exhausted , overworked, and not making hardly any money after paying bills. So, I had to re evaluate some aspects of my life. What was working, what wasn’t working, and what needed to change so I could be living a more successful life. So, what did I do? I quick one job and got hired at another place, decided to beef up my yoga schedule to try and get more reliable income (still working on that), and decided to just pay off two credit cards in full draining my back accounts. Some things were done in the spur of the moment, others were done with a lot of thought and consideration. I have also had to shift how I think and feel about certain aspects of my life. How I do thinks? Can I do them better? How can I take care of myself better? And the best part is…I still don’t have any answers to any questions, I’m still lost in this crazy thing called life and I have a feeling this is going to be a permanent state of mind for a while. Do I enjoy being in this confusing state, no absolutely not. But, I know that it is necessary for me to be here; even though I may not enjoy any part of it. But, with this weird state, I am in and with myself just working my life into the grave, I know that good things are on the horizon. That if I can hold out for just a bit longer, things will be happier and healthier in my life. I’ll quote journey for a second, “don’t stop believing,” and that is just what I intend to do. Until next time everyone. Light, love, & Namaste.

Leah

It’s The Most Stressful Time Of The Year

It seems that right after Halloween the Christmas MADNESS hits, people forget about Thanksgiving, and stores have had Christmas merchandise out since August.  With all of this pressure to go to every store that has a sale, figuring out who to get gifts for, what house the holidays will be at………and the list could go on and on and on and on and on….  With all of these different things floating around in our minds, disrupting any peacefulness that once lived there…..the stress starts to build and the holidays loose their meaning a little bit.  Yoga has helped me so much actually remember the meaning of the holidays.  It’s not what you get gifted or what you are gifting to someone, but it’s the time spent together…laughing, smiling, enjoying each other’s company.  During the holidays especially I get really overwhelmed and stressed out because of large gatherings with my family.  This is due to all of my medical stuff I have and it can be exhausting to talk to family members, friends, even my boyfriend.  Which sucks, because I love seeing my family, friends, and my man….but, sometimes it takes to much of a toll on myself to do it.  So I use yoga to center myself and to find a little bit of sanity that I keep in the back of my mind and when things become difficult I just use a little piece of that sanity and zen out.  I also look and use different feet and arms positions….even neck and hand/finger positions (mudras) to help promote energy and happiness.  And if that does not work, than I just excuse myself and lay down for a bit….allowing my body to physically destress.  Because you need to make yourself happy before you can shine some happiness on other people.  Peace, Love, & Zen

I’ll see you on your mat,

The Curvy Yogini

Everyone needs a break… Including Yoga Instructors

Vacations are good for the mind, body, and soul. It’s nice to get away from what your, “normal,” life is. That is what I did. My father recently moved from Illinois to Maryland and I decided to go visit him. Which was a huge thing and it involved a lot of firsts. First time flying by myself, first time navigating through an airport by myself, an first time I got to entertain my niece for more than 10mins. I also got to see DC with my Dad and Stepmom, which was fantastic because my major is in political science (and I never am able to use my degree). I successfully have done all of these things and had quite a interesting time especially playing with my niece (she’s my favorite small person alive). But, of course all good things come to an end and I fly back to Illinois and start working the next day. Am I sad I have to leave? A little bit. It was a nice break from Illinois. But, am I ready to go home? Yes, it’s time to get back to reality and be an adult. Have a wonderful Hump Day and stay awesome!!!

See you on your mat!!!

The Curvy Yogini

Yoga Doesn’t End After Savasana

As Savasana/final relaxation comes to an end all the yogis on their yoga mats start to twitch and wake up from their yoga naps, roll over to one side for fetal pose, and than gently sit up and say namaste. After class ends some people roll up their mat right away, other people stay in their yoga nap positions, and others just like to stay and meditate. Each different ending to a yoga class (the three actions in the last sentence) sort of can show how people use yoga in their daily lives. Yoga can be used as just a form of exercise, maybe used to help treat different diseases (fibromyalgia, arthritis, ect.), for stress, depression, and anxiety purposes, and a million and one other reasons people use yoga. Yoga can also be interpreted in different ways. People think yoga is just breathing…others think it is only stretching….to some Bikrim is the only type of yoga. And when you factor in the different types of styles and poses, yoga can just seem like a never pit of OMing, namasting, mantras, chants, and body contorting. With all of this never ending information some people that practice yoga only go to classes at a studio and never bring any of their yoga home with them and some people like the idea of bringing yoga into the rest of their life. The beauty of it is there is no right or wrong way to, “yoga.” It’s just all about how you want to use yoga or how you don’t want to use yoga. Yoga will always be there whether you use it or don’t use it. Just remember to keep breathing and everything will be alright.
Have a wonderful week everyone!!!

See you on your mat!

The Curvy Yogini

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One Fish, Two Fish, Crescent Lunge, & Prayer Twist

Inhale lift up your right leg, exhale low lunge plant your lifted foot between your hands, and inhale crescent lunge. As you get settled in your crescent lunge, notice how your thigh, hips, and shoulders are feeling. What sensations is your body giving you? What part of the body is stretching? Are you remembering to breathe? Try to deepen your breath a little more. Use the breath to relax the body or a body part.
Anyone that has been to a yoga class had heard versions of any of these phrases. Being a yoga instructor I say many of these phrases in my yoga classes. The phrases are suppose to help the yogis in class relax and come to a nice, zen, and calming place. But….does it really help? Or do I just sound like an idiot saying it? I was thinking about this as I was teaching my plus size yoga class tonight. As I was teaching and saying the different phrases and my students are being rock stars grooving and moving from pose to pose, I couldn’t turn my brain off. I kept thinking about what I was saying, the words didn’t flow like I wanted them to…to me it wasn’t believable it just sounded scripted and emotionless. Maybe I’m over thinking my yoga classes? Or maybe I’m overthinking everything else. It seems like once my stress level lowers my overthinking sky rockets and trying to find a happy medium has been difficult. The only solution I have found is get as much sleep as possible…….oh and drink lots of coffee….. Not permanent solutions but solutions non the less a solution. But, my lovely readers I have anatomy homework that is calling my name. Thanks for reading and what do you overthink? Have a wonderful week!!!

See you on your mat!

The Curvy Yogini

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Can I Bananasana With You?

Compassion is an amazing quality for a person to have. Understanding, gratefulness, and just a sense of happiness are also great qualities and vibes/energies a person can give off over their day, week, month, and year. I have notices since I have been reiki trained that I can pick up on the energy people give off, their own personal vibe. If it’s a stressed out vibe, I immediately feel it and 9 times out of 10 I get a killer headache. If it’s a peaceful vibe I will get a sense of relief. When I encounter people with a stressed out energy and when
that energy is absorbed into me, it tends to like to stick around for a bit. Having stress in and around me gets me really sick, physically and mentally. This is why I am always on the quest to a calmer state of mind, body, and soul. Today for instance I got a massage and I came home and took a nap. When I woke up from the nap I felt almost blissful, it was like nothing could go wrong. I was completely stress free….and than I checked my email and all the stress came back. Frustrating yes, but it’s life. So as I nap my stress away I wish everyone a wonderful Labor Day weekend!

See you on your mat,

The Curvy Yogini

Yoga Date With Me, Myself, and I

Being alone is something that everyone experiences. Some people like it,  others hate it.  I tend to be one of those people that extremely enjoys being alone.  It’s nice, quiet, I can get some work done, de-stress, sleep, talk to my lovely boyfriend (we both work all the time,  are in school,  and he is the father of an adorable almost 9 great old…….so we’re both super busy and don’t see each other a lot), and I like not doing anything.  The different health issues I have takes a lot out of me…….. so it’s essential that I get time to myself.   I also like taking yoga classes by myself or with my yoga friend Sean…..but, it’s usually alone.   Am I a loner?  Do I hate people?  Maybe…..  Do I get stressed out with my friends, family,  and fellow yoga teachers being in classes practicing with me?  Yes!!!  The reason being… most of my friends and family don’t practice yoga.   So, during classes if I have either a family member or friend taking class with me, they usually stare at me the whole class because they do not know what to do.  This me amakes me really nervous and stressed out,  so I take class usually but myself.  I like the idea that I don’t have to impress anyone…. Because,  some days my practice sucks and I don’t want people to see how bad it can be.  Question for anyone reading this: Do you like being alone?
Until next week…. Stay confident, stay beautiful,  and stay you.
See you on your mats!

The Curvy Yogini

Yoga, Warp Tour, & Hashimoto’s Disease

“When life gives you lemons……you make lemonade.”  This is a quote/phrase/saying that is said to smooth any rough patches that life wants to throw at us.  This is a very yoga type saying, it means try to find the good in all situations.  But, sometimes you can’t find any good in a situation and you’re filled with nerves and anxiety.  This is how I felt last weekend.  Last weekend I met my boyfriend of over a year’s kid at Warp Tour.  Which was nerve wracking, scary, and if the kid didn’t like me it would be the end of my relationship.  So with all of these factors in the back of my mind….let’s just say I was a ball of nerves.  Thankfully the kid liked me and my man was happier than ever.  So I think the day went well.   My yoga business has been booming!!! Making schedules, booking clients/places to teach at, and just the necessary paperwork that is required.  Also, the fact I am missing a thyroid and that I also have Hashimoto’s disease my body is in a constant state of war.  And lately the Hashimoto’s disease and lack of organ has been winning this fight.  And currently it is still winning, but I have blood testing that I have to go in for.  So, hopefully I will start feeling better soon.  Just like everyone else’a life, I have stressful moments.  But, I’m still brainstorming how to de stress those moment.  I’m hoping to start post a bit more during the week.  So, hopefully we will meet on the blog post in a few days.  But, until than stay beautiful, stay confident, and stay you. 

See you on your mat!

The Curvy Yogini

Restore Your Mind, Body, & Soul

When you (yes I am talking to you) think of yoga, what comes to your mind?  Workout, zent out, bending, relaxation, or another word?   People go to  yoga classes for different reasons, whether it be emotional, physical, or a combination of both.  Personally I got into yoga for strictly stress management.  I was just starting college, working, and was in a long term relationship at the time.  So I felt like I was being pulled in about 30 different directions and my health started to decline at a slow steady rate.  I would always go to the gym and just do strictly cardio.  It was either the eliptical or stairmaster….and with bad ankles (from 6 years of soccer) it was very painful. It would only cut my stress in half on a good workout and I would go home in more pain that when I left.  So, I saw my gym offered yoga classes and I decided to go to one.   I went to a Yin Yoga Class and the instructors name was Kim.  I loved the class, the instructor was fine, and I decided to make this a weekly type of thing.  And just with replacing one of my workouts with a Yin Yoga Class I saw my stress level slowly be cut in half.   To this day I love teaching my restorative yoga class.  I call it a nap in a yoga class, because yes my students stretch and get into the muscle fashia and connective tissue, but I add a more relaxing vibe to the class.  I also incorporate my Reiki Training into the class as well.  Granted do I have a Restorative Certificate….no…no I don’t.  But, I have taken workshops, I practice restorative yoga on a daily basis, and I do a lot of research in the yin/restorative arena of yoga.  So, I am qualified to teach it, I just haven’t spent the money to get a piece of paper saying I know restorative yoga.  People (even in yoga) get so worked up over not having specific certifications.  I understand being a certified yoga teacher is important, I understand that, I am that..but, just becuase I don’t have a restorative certificate…just because I didn’t want to spend $400 to get it…..because I don’t have $400.  People think I don’t know what I am talking about…makes me sad sometimes.  So, I leave you with….don’t judge a book by its cover and be informed before you speak.
I hope you all can take a Restorative Yoga Class this week , it may change your opinions on some things. 

See you on your mat,

The Curvy Yogini