A Supermoon, the month of February, & Fibromyalgia walk into a bar…….

If you are looking for an uplifting I am sorry this is not one of them.  As we reached the end of January my emotions go all places that are associated with sadness and anything that could make me happy doesn’t….I just tend to go through the motions and hope for the best.  So, if you have made it this far and want to continue…sit back relax and figure out how the fuck I make it through everyday without killing everything.

On the last day of Jan 2018 the universe decided to have a supermoon/redmoon/bluemoon/lunarEclipse which sent me into the biggest, most intense, most painful flare up of my fibromyalgia I had ever experienced. I didn’t know my body could revolt this much causing myself and my stressed out mother to contemplate going to the ER. For those who know me personally understand that my pain tolerance is high, higher than most due to the chronic pain I have experienced in and through the passed 3-4 years. But, I have always been able to work through it. This was different. It was a constant burning, aching sensation in my back, chest, and shoulders. My hands were numb and it hurt to move. My mother tried to console me to try and not raise my blood pressure more, but nothing would help. It got to the point it hurt to inhale and exhale. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but finally after 5 hours of this, I fell asleep and woke up 75% of the way better…..and as I finish this post I’m right back on track to being 150% better. But, it was scary. I have never and don’t want to be in that position again. I am 26 years old and should be able to take on the world and the reality is I can’t and I have to come to terms with this.

One of the biggest reasons that I despise the month of February is the passing of my older brother. Three years ago on the 21st of February my older brother Johan unexpectedly passed away. For those who don’t know my older brother struggled with depression, anxiety, and addiction for close to 10 years. He was and will forever be my best friend, the nicest man I know, and the best older brother I could have ever asked for. He was gentle, kind, caring, and just a teddy bear. I was beyond lucky to have him for 23 years of my life and I miss him every moment of every day. The pain of loosing someone doesn’t leave, it doesn’t get easier, time allows us to adapt to the grief and learn what the new normal is. He is fantastic in life and in death. And for everyone that asks if I miss him, here is my response: of fucking course I miss him, I’m a human with feelings (damn this is nice to say).

So, now you know during February when you see me just know I’m trying my best. I’m trying my best to keep it together and moving forward and maintaining some sense of sanity (even though mine is not around anymore). I am trying my best. I am trying to survive each day. And I am just trying to be a normal human (this is forever impossible). Just know I’m putting whatever I have into each day to deal with my life.

I am forever grateful for my jobs, for my life, and for who I am as a person. I wouldn’t change anything even though some days seem impossible. Thank you for reading, know that you are a special human, and we are all just trying to make it this existence.

Until next time, stay bendy.

Leah

A much needed break…

When working at so many places putting in 10-14 hour days and feeling like life has hit you in the face and leaves you wanting to crawl into a hole and slowly whither away…and let me tell you it finally did me in. I was exhausted , overworked, and not making hardly any money after paying bills. So, I had to re evaluate some aspects of my life. What was working, what wasn’t working, and what needed to change so I could be living a more successful life. So, what did I do? I quick one job and got hired at another place, decided to beef up my yoga schedule to try and get more reliable income (still working on that), and decided to just pay off two credit cards in full draining my back accounts. Some things were done in the spur of the moment, others were done with a lot of thought and consideration. I have also had to shift how I think and feel about certain aspects of my life. How I do thinks? Can I do them better? How can I take care of myself better? And the best part is…I still don’t have any answers to any questions, I’m still lost in this crazy thing called life and I have a feeling this is going to be a permanent state of mind for a while. Do I enjoy being in this confusing state, no absolutely not. But, I know that it is necessary for me to be here; even though I may not enjoy any part of it. But, with this weird state, I am in and with myself just working my life into the grave, I know that good things are on the horizon. That if I can hold out for just a bit longer, things will be happier and healthier in my life. I’ll quote journey for a second, “don’t stop believing,” and that is just what I intend to do. Until next time everyone. Light, love, & Namaste.

Leah

COME TO A YOGA LIVE STREAM!

Hello Everyone!  I hope you are all having a wonderful day!  I am inviting you all to join me for my live stream TODAY MAY 2nd through PowHow.com at 9am CST.  The live stream will be an all levels, beginner friendly, and all sizes and ages yoga class!  AND THE BEST PART IS IT IS ONLY $4!  If you are interested Click HERE to register.

CAN’T MAKE IT TO THE LIVE STREAM? NO PROBLEM PURCHASE THE VIDEO BY CLICKING HERE

Hope to see you on your yoga mat…..literally!  Thanks for being awesome!

The Curvy Yogini

Inhale Light & Exhale Darkness

Ever had that moment where you are able to get into that certain pose you have been working on for the longest time? Remember how you felt? Do you remember everything about that day? Well, I had that moment a few weeks ago with dancer’s pose. I filmed a vlog about it a few days talking about my experience. So, please watch the video and subscribe if you would like. I will have a written blog up next week! But, for now…stay calm, create zen, & be you ❤
See you on your mat!

The Curvy Yogini 🙂

Push The Body Away In High Plank

In each yoga class there is that one pose, that one particularly difficult pose that you just don’t like.  Your body revolts, your muscles shake, and your breathing quickens.  And it’s like the teacher knows that you are struggling and starts to cue to that struggling.  As the teacher gently says, “deepen your inhale and exhales….your body loves this….it is just your mind that wants it all to go away and stop…”  During these nice statements all your mind is thinking of is how quickly can I get out of this pose and how quickly can I cut my wonderful, lovely, ninja like yoga teacher….     Than after class you almost feel bad for wanting to cut them, because your body feels so good.  But, than you soon forget and the next time you come to a yoga class the cycle starts all over again.   But, why does this cycle happen?  You think yoga and you think calm, peaceful, stretching, not a lot of physical activity.   WHY DO I FEEL ALL OF THESE NEGITIVE FEELINGS TOWARDS MY INSTRUCTOR?!?!?!?!  It could be that the teacher is pushing you to the next bar.  They are trying to mentally strengthen you.  Or it’s just a really hard class.  I personally have had people flick me off during high planks, high to low boat, & forearm planks.  Than right after class they apologize and say can’t wait for next week.   So really the cycle of hating your instructor for a few mins is quite normal.   Don’t feel bad about it or think you’re a terrible person….because yes even myself, a yoga instructor goes through this cycle.
So I leave you with this…..it’s ok to mad, your body is much stronger than your mind, & the more you come to class the easier each difficult pose will get.
Thanks for reading and I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend & A GREAT MEMORIAL 

See you on your mat!

The Curvy Yogini

Find A New Perspective In Each Pose.

All humans have great weeks, eh weeks, bad weeks, and awful weeks.  Personally for myself it has been a difficult week.  Lots of problems with my health and I have been an emotional ride…it has been a very un zenful week.  But, of course being a yogi…I am looking at what can I take out of this difficult week or what are the good parts that I can take out of this week.
Good Parts of the Week
– I’m alive
– I have amazing doctors
– I have my dream job
– I’m lucky to have an amazing boyfriend
– I can practice yoga
– I got to see my amazing boyfriend
– I have an amazing group of friends
– I run my own buisness
– My mom is kickass
– Overall I’m a lucky woman

As I read over this list I feel guilty to even say that I had a bad week.  Becuase I am so lucky to have all of these things and people in my life.  But…is it bad that I still feel sad about my week?   Maybe?  I really don’t know.  Do I just need to process all the information that has been thrown at me?  Do I need to figure out how to fix everyone/everything?  Or most importantly do I need to figure out how to make myself happy first?  All these questions swarm in my head and as hard as I try to push them out they stay.  Let me tell you it’s really hard to cue my yoga students to calm and silence there mind, while mind is running around with thoughts.  So for this up coming week, I am going to personally try to find a new perspective in my life. And next post I will give you an update.
Untill next time.
See you on your mat!

The Curvy Yogini

When In Doubt…..Side Plank It Out.

When life gives you lemons you make lemon favored vodka.  Not the most yoga think to say but, sometimes life throws us curve balls and all we can do is run after the ball and try to catch it.  For example with me bad things happen in threes.  Which is never a good thing….. so every time these three bad things happen I never think…”Oh I can’t wait for this learning experience to happen so I can learn things!”  I usually think, “Oh shit what the hell is going to happen…. Where’s the vodka?” I know that a learning experience is going to happen and the yogi in me knows it will be a positive experience but, the human in me braces for impact.  Than after the three bad things happen the yogi in me says, “See…I told you, you would survive. ”  The human in me says,  “we survived the battle…We live to see another day.”  But, think about it….Why do humans/people/a person get so scared when bad things happen?  My theory is that the human population hates change.  We don’t like what we don’t know and we are scared of things we can’t explain.  Think of this from a yoga stand point….when a yogi sees a posture that is difficult or one we have never seen before, there is an immediate thought of I can’t do this.  Even though each yogi eventually will have the flexibility, strength, and balance to rock the posture out……our immediate thought is nope I can’t do that.   But, really we should look at the pose with how can I do this to succeed.  It doesn’t have to look pretty, but the goal is to just do it.  If everyone had that same mindset for when bad things happen or when they can’t do something…I think the world may grow a little happier.  But, hey what do I know….I am just a yoga teacher.  Remember this week to not take life to seriously and when in doubt side plank it out.

See you on your mat,

The Curvy Yogini

Exhale Supine Twist To The Left.

“Notice the changes on this side of the body….Even though biologically  we are the same on each side our muscles are not the same…So really breath into the openess or the tightness in each muscle of the body,” said all yoga teachers around the world/universe/a galaxy far far away.  But, it’s true….not all muscles are the same.  For example, my left hip flexer is tighter than the right hip flexer…..my shoulders are always super tight…for reasons I have no idea.  Maybe our muscles reflect how stressful or non stressful our lives are?  It’s a valid theory.  Or maybe it’s from lack of using the muscles (probably a more concert theory)?  Or maybe it’s from a completely unrelated reasons all together.  The human body always seens to amaze and confuse me at the same time.   With having Hashimoto’s Disease (auto-immune condition) my immune system killed off a relatively healthy organ.  My immunue system works great, but can’t figure out what is a harmful virus and what is a healthy organ.  So I guess that could be a reason that differrent yoga poses feel better in one persons body or better in an other persons.  Or maybe change can eventually happen in the body and in liking the different yoga poses better.  Or maybe I am just rambling on and on this week?  Maybe, yes…. I have had some major changes this week.  I went from working two places to working five places and having a six place in the works.  This is huge for me….having been let go of a place that in my honest opinion didn’t like me because I was plus size.  I thought that I had picked the wrong career, but than I did a 360 degree change on my perspective of what had happened.  And not even 3 months later I teach at five places.  I honestly didn’t think that this could or would happen.  So I encourage anyone who is reading this to take a sitution that is just god awful and look at it from a different angle.  Just like in yoga all angles in life and in the different yoga postures will be/feel/seem different…..So always remember to take supine twist to the left.

See you on your mat!

The Curvy Yogini