A Supermoon, the month of February, & Fibromyalgia walk into a bar…….

If you are looking for an uplifting I am sorry this is not one of them.  As we reached the end of January my emotions go all places that are associated with sadness and anything that could make me happy doesn’t….I just tend to go through the motions and hope for the best.  So, if you have made it this far and want to continue…sit back relax and figure out how the fuck I make it through everyday without killing everything.

On the last day of Jan 2018 the universe decided to have a supermoon/redmoon/bluemoon/lunarEclipse which sent me into the biggest, most intense, most painful flare up of my fibromyalgia I had ever experienced. I didn’t know my body could revolt this much causing myself and my stressed out mother to contemplate going to the ER. For those who know me personally understand that my pain tolerance is high, higher than most due to the chronic pain I have experienced in and through the passed 3-4 years. But, I have always been able to work through it. This was different. It was a constant burning, aching sensation in my back, chest, and shoulders. My hands were numb and it hurt to move. My mother tried to console me to try and not raise my blood pressure more, but nothing would help. It got to the point it hurt to inhale and exhale. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but finally after 5 hours of this, I fell asleep and woke up 75% of the way better…..and as I finish this post I’m right back on track to being 150% better. But, it was scary. I have never and don’t want to be in that position again. I am 26 years old and should be able to take on the world and the reality is I can’t and I have to come to terms with this.

One of the biggest reasons that I despise the month of February is the passing of my older brother. Three years ago on the 21st of February my older brother Johan unexpectedly passed away. For those who don’t know my older brother struggled with depression, anxiety, and addiction for close to 10 years. He was and will forever be my best friend, the nicest man I know, and the best older brother I could have ever asked for. He was gentle, kind, caring, and just a teddy bear. I was beyond lucky to have him for 23 years of my life and I miss him every moment of every day. The pain of loosing someone doesn’t leave, it doesn’t get easier, time allows us to adapt to the grief and learn what the new normal is. He is fantastic in life and in death. And for everyone that asks if I miss him, here is my response: of fucking course I miss him, I’m a human with feelings (damn this is nice to say).

So, now you know during February when you see me just know I’m trying my best. I’m trying my best to keep it together and moving forward and maintaining some sense of sanity (even though mine is not around anymore). I am trying my best. I am trying to survive each day. And I am just trying to be a normal human (this is forever impossible). Just know I’m putting whatever I have into each day to deal with my life.

I am forever grateful for my jobs, for my life, and for who I am as a person. I wouldn’t change anything even though some days seem impossible. Thank you for reading, know that you are a special human, and we are all just trying to make it this existence.

Until next time, stay bendy.

Leah

A much needed break…

When working at so many places putting in 10-14 hour days and feeling like life has hit you in the face and leaves you wanting to crawl into a hole and slowly whither away…and let me tell you it finally did me in. I was exhausted , overworked, and not making hardly any money after paying bills. So, I had to re evaluate some aspects of my life. What was working, what wasn’t working, and what needed to change so I could be living a more successful life. So, what did I do? I quick one job and got hired at another place, decided to beef up my yoga schedule to try and get more reliable income (still working on that), and decided to just pay off two credit cards in full draining my back accounts. Some things were done in the spur of the moment, others were done with a lot of thought and consideration. I have also had to shift how I think and feel about certain aspects of my life. How I do thinks? Can I do them better? How can I take care of myself better? And the best part is…I still don’t have any answers to any questions, I’m still lost in this crazy thing called life and I have a feeling this is going to be a permanent state of mind for a while. Do I enjoy being in this confusing state, no absolutely not. But, I know that it is necessary for me to be here; even though I may not enjoy any part of it. But, with this weird state, I am in and with myself just working my life into the grave, I know that good things are on the horizon. That if I can hold out for just a bit longer, things will be happier and healthier in my life. I’ll quote journey for a second, “don’t stop believing,” and that is just what I intend to do. Until next time everyone. Light, love, & Namaste.

Leah

Yoga Doesn’t End After Savasana

As Savasana/final relaxation comes to an end all the yogis on their yoga mats start to twitch and wake up from their yoga naps, roll over to one side for fetal pose, and than gently sit up and say namaste. After class ends some people roll up their mat right away, other people stay in their yoga nap positions, and others just like to stay and meditate. Each different ending to a yoga class (the three actions in the last sentence) sort of can show how people use yoga in their daily lives. Yoga can be used as just a form of exercise, maybe used to help treat different diseases (fibromyalgia, arthritis, ect.), for stress, depression, and anxiety purposes, and a million and one other reasons people use yoga. Yoga can also be interpreted in different ways. People think yoga is just breathing…others think it is only stretching….to some Bikrim is the only type of yoga. And when you factor in the different types of styles and poses, yoga can just seem like a never pit of OMing, namasting, mantras, chants, and body contorting. With all of this never ending information some people that practice yoga only go to classes at a studio and never bring any of their yoga home with them and some people like the idea of bringing yoga into the rest of their life. The beauty of it is there is no right or wrong way to, “yoga.” It’s just all about how you want to use yoga or how you don’t want to use yoga. Yoga will always be there whether you use it or don’t use it. Just remember to keep breathing and everything will be alright.
Have a wonderful week everyone!!!

See you on your mat!

The Curvy Yogini

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Growing Up Pains…..Or Maybe To Many High Planks?

Change happens whether we want it to or not. But, even though change can’t be stopped…people still hate the fact it is happening every second of everyday. This past week I experienced change in a big way. I got diagnosed with fibromyalgia. For those who don’t know what that is…fibromyalgia is where your muscles don’t get enough secratonin, causing chronic pain. Now, as much as I am happy that I have a diagnosis for my chronic pain….it’s also quite scary trying to wrap my brain around that I will have this for the rest of my life. It’s a mixed of emotions from, “I’m going to be in pain forever….I have to take 6 pills a day from now on….how am I going to feel in 20 years?” It’s just a lot for a 23 year old to think about. But, even though all of these things are happening…life still goes on, there are yoga classes to be taught, and people to see. So even though life is hard like a high plank the only thing to do is to move forward. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! Keep moving forward and stay bendy!

See you on your mat!

The Curvy Yogini

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Are you a yogi….or are you a YOGI?

Some people have jobs…others have careers….and a few have lifestyles. Either you go to work and watch the clock, enjoy your job…but leave it at the office, or totally immerse yourself into your work. This is the same with teaching yoga. A lot of teachers completely immerse themselves into the yoga lifestyle. Feeling how the body moves with each breath. Being inspired by the different poses, becoming vegan, and much, much more. Now I personally know teachers that eat, breathe, and live yoga…which is totally fine. But, this is not my style of teaching. Personally, I focus on relaxing my clients, finding happiness, and telling my clients just to overall check in with themselves. I don’t live the yoga life style. I am a good, decent person…that tries to do the right thing. I love my job and all the awesome people I meet during it. But, I am not a total yoga expert by any means. I’m Leah, and I’m a yoga instructor. But, yoga isn’t my entire life and I’m ok with that. I love my family, friends, my amazing boyfriend. I enjoy watching documentaries and going for random adventures with my best friend Jessie. I like to sleep…a lot and I enjoy a caffeinated beverage most of the time. See, I have other people, activities, and things I like to do….other than yoga. And I don’t want to be frowned upon for that. I have a life outside of yoga and I like to keep it that way. I like the simplicity of being Leah, just Leah. Not the yoga instructor Leah…But, being someone’s family member, someone’s friend, someone’s girlfriend….being important to people in different ways. Because to me I’m not that important, I’m just Leah. The Leah that tries to hard…the Leah that cares to much…or the Leah that wants to help people all the time. So, I end this entry with a question….do you know the true you, the essence that makes you important people? Until next week….Stay beautiful, stay confident, and
stay you.

See you on your mat!

The Curvy Yogini

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Inhale Light & Exhale Darkness

Ever had that moment where you are able to get into that certain pose you have been working on for the longest time? Remember how you felt? Do you remember everything about that day? Well, I had that moment a few weeks ago with dancer’s pose. I filmed a vlog about it a few days talking about my experience. So, please watch the video and subscribe if you would like. I will have a written blog up next week! But, for now…stay calm, create zen, & be you ❤
See you on your mat!

The Curvy Yogini 🙂

Inhale The Arms Up….Exhale Hands To Heart Center.

“The light in me honors the light in you…when I am in that place of light in me and you’re in that place of light in you…we become one, Namaste.”  That quote/statement/phrase is how I end each of my yoga classes.  I don’t know why I picked this certain phrase, but I quite enjoy it.  I hope it helps connect my students together or at least connects them to their inner being, their soul.  The idea of reconnecting with yourself, is an interesting action.  Some people just go all day long.  They never stop for a moment.  They never relax or take a second for themselves.  I really just described my mother.  Now, my mother is a wonderful woman.  She is a great mother, an amazing teacher, and again she is overall a wonderful human being.  But, she never stops going.  She runs around all day long and is so stressed out and tense.  Just recently she is allowing herself to sit down and she started coming to a few of my yoga classes.  I hate to say this, but……my mom is the stiffest/tense/stressed out person in the group of yogis I teach.   I usually use her to give different cues to my classes.  But, she can never relax fully in class.  So I will pose the question.  If you can’t relax in class…how can you reconnect with yourself?  But, than the next question has to be posed….How can you relax in a yoga class?  Even though this question seems silly…it’s a quite real and plausible question.  Some classes i just can’t relax, I have to many things going on.  Or some classes I fall asleep due to being so relax.  But, I can never find the balance between not relaxing and almost sleeping relaxing.  But, this may have to deal with my narcolepsy?  Or maybe it’s just me?  But, this week lets focus on relaxing.  I will be exploring and experimenting with different techniques and in a few weeks I’ll let you know how it goes.  But until than…stay golden Yogis and remember to exhale your hands to heart center.

See you on your mat!!!

The Curvy Yogini

Exhale Supine Twist To The Left.

“Notice the changes on this side of the body….Even though biologically  we are the same on each side our muscles are not the same…So really breath into the openess or the tightness in each muscle of the body,” said all yoga teachers around the world/universe/a galaxy far far away.  But, it’s true….not all muscles are the same.  For example, my left hip flexer is tighter than the right hip flexer…..my shoulders are always super tight…for reasons I have no idea.  Maybe our muscles reflect how stressful or non stressful our lives are?  It’s a valid theory.  Or maybe it’s from lack of using the muscles (probably a more concert theory)?  Or maybe it’s from a completely unrelated reasons all together.  The human body always seens to amaze and confuse me at the same time.   With having Hashimoto’s Disease (auto-immune condition) my immune system killed off a relatively healthy organ.  My immunue system works great, but can’t figure out what is a harmful virus and what is a healthy organ.  So I guess that could be a reason that differrent yoga poses feel better in one persons body or better in an other persons.  Or maybe change can eventually happen in the body and in liking the different yoga poses better.  Or maybe I am just rambling on and on this week?  Maybe, yes…. I have had some major changes this week.  I went from working two places to working five places and having a six place in the works.  This is huge for me….having been let go of a place that in my honest opinion didn’t like me because I was plus size.  I thought that I had picked the wrong career, but than I did a 360 degree change on my perspective of what had happened.  And not even 3 months later I teach at five places.  I honestly didn’t think that this could or would happen.  So I encourage anyone who is reading this to take a sitution that is just god awful and look at it from a different angle.  Just like in yoga all angles in life and in the different yoga postures will be/feel/seem different…..So always remember to take supine twist to the left.

See you on your mat!

The Curvy Yogini

Grow Your Branches In Tree Pose

“Now we move into Tree Pose on the right, ground down through your left foot, feel rooted and stable like a tree…..once you feel good and stable inhale your right foot up off your mat.  Place your foot on your ankle, calf, or thigh….above or below the knee…..once you feel stable in your tree pose, grow your branches, and close your eyes.”  We all have our own comfort factors in life. Whether it is food, a favoirte piece of clothing, or a favorite activity.  Some comfort things are healthy and others are not healthy at all….but, regardless they are still are comfort things.  Comfort things make us feel better in any situation.  Just like in yoga.  Any Yogi or Yogini has a favorite yoga posture.  Mine currently is Supta Badha Konasana with my arms over head.  When ever I’m having a hard time in a posture i revert back to this.  It helps me recconect with my practice and helps me recconect with myself as well.  It feels like my yoga home to me.  So this week I want you to think about what is your favorite yoga pose?  What feels like home to you on your yoga mat?
And last, but not least…don’t forget to grow your branches in tree pose.
See you on your mat!
The Curvy Yogini